Miss-SparkleLee.com

CILLA'S PROBLEM PAGE

'Surprise Surprise...'

At last, what we've all been waiting for....

Our very own Cilla Black is here with her very own Problem page, broadcasted directly to you guys on Miss-SparkleLee.com.

Take part and join in chuck, our cilla wants your Emails. Your question will be Broadcasted on the page below as well as a response from the agony aunt herself.

You can ask our Cilla anything you like, maybe a problem your having with a man or woman, domestics in the house, problems with kids, clothes, sexual issues, work or even an opinion you would like to add.

Don't worry, If you don't want your name included on the page just say in your Email and it will be left out.

To take part simply Email  your question to MissSparkleLee@Gmail.com           begining with Dear Cilla............

The Naughty and ruder the question the Better!

                                                 'It's gonna be a lorra lorra laughs........'

WARNING PG ADVISED!

Dear Cilla........

Im havin a problem with two women arguing this morning about what is being packed in the case what shoes they are takin so im just not bringing them
please give me advice.

Love Carla x

Cilla Says..... Well Chuck, us girls are hard work. We like our shoes. I say let them bring the lot. If ya out like me luv, join in with the fun and get involved, get some new heels yourself , maybe even a new Bra and when you arrive on you destenation have a Bra/shoe party. I myself am saving up for some new shoes but I can't afford them at the moment cause I gotta pay for an operation to sort out these massive fu**ing teeth.....

Glad to be of help!

Dear Cilla...

  I was on holiday recently on the beautiful island of Lanzerote, having a great night out with the girls, when I woke up the next morning I realised  I had lost the bottom set of my false teeth, can you imagine the embarrassment of it when I laughed,some cheeky little poof was taking the piss out of me saying I was the only person on lanzerote to have lost her falsies, however a few days later A nice looking waiter knocked on my apartment door and handed me such a lovely gift wrapped box, then ran away, my heart was beating like a rabbit on Viagra as I opened it!!! and there to my delight a condom with my beloved teeth attached , my dilemma is should I go after the waiter and thank him but most of all I think I should tell him I have something belonging to him at the back of my throat that I am finding really hard to swallow.
 
 
                                Waiting in anticipation.  Dianne xx

Cilla Says...There's nothing worse than loosing your teeth chuck, or getting a condom caught in um either ya dirty bitch.., I myself was on holiday in Bagdad when I lost my virginity on a bus, I went stright to the depot to see if it had been handed in. I think you should find the waiter and thank him, you never know you might get a 'lorra lorra' shags...next time take your polyfilla with you and keep um in!

Dear Cilla.......

Dear Cilla....

 Regarding Diane who lost her teeth, I was with her on the night that she lost em, last time I saw her wif a full set of gnashers was when she climbed up onto a giant sized figure of Freddy Mercury in American Indian Cafe, a Bar on the strip, she told us she was dusting!!! but I reckon that she left em attached to Freddies totem pole. !!! Anyway that's not me problem, me problem is I was on holiday in Lanza for a few weeks and was staying with 2 mates who are poofs they helped celebrate me birthday while I was there, they bought me a totem pole of me own and no matter how much I try I can't get it in me teepee any suggestions ?? Love Lyn

Cilla Says....I understand where your coming from here chuck, it's like the great pretender Freddy Mercury said 'keep um keen with a jar of vasaline', anything will fit love with a bit of bump and grind and lube....the problem with your totem pole  is your not aiming it correct when it's errect, delecutely dunk it like a soldier into a hard boiled egg..forcing only creates stretchmarks chuck,,,,,,

Dear Cilla.....

I'm, Lynne the 'blonde bombshells' mate, from liverpool. I have a problem Cilla, which causes me no end of frustration. You see my knob is bent in double and every time i think i'm coming I fu**ing go instead, i'ts a complete bummer. Please can you sort me out.  PS I love the advice on walking in stilletoes, spot on. Love and peace to you.

From Mick

Cilla Says....You men are all the bloody same..Look at how many men I've had, I been married to most of um...you gotta be careful as far as the birds and bees go, I told my ex this and he got stung on the willy by as wasp! If it is looking a bit crooked, one of my best mates sticky Vicky from Benidorm can sort that out for you for 50 quid. 'She's a right dead dirty bird chuck', otherwise I'd say stay away from the women love, and hit the internet it's full of fun, careful though too much bashing the bishup stunts ya grouth and you can go blind...my current fella told me that, I said I'm over here shorty!

Good luck Chuck....

Dear Cilla.....

 My problem is the Mrs, She keeps wanting to run back to Lanzarote and live with 2 poofs, I have sh**ged her till she can't stand let alone run, but the trouble is she can't cook me bloody tea when I get in from work, any suggestions?

Thanks luv x Richard

Cilla Says....'Jesus love you must be red raw! Scuttling the wife all over the house chuck'. It sounds to my like she wants to become a faghag luv, this is someone who wants to be around gay people alot..I'm one myself, my boys are Dale Winton and Ricky Martain they're complete fruits! Maybe you could dress up in the bedroom as Ronald Mcdonald, that way you got all the colours of a gay man, your own resturant which solves your problem with her not being able to cook and a bit of street cred with the youngsters chuck, however in work they might think your a bit of a tw*t.

I wish you a lorra lorra luck luv....

Dear Cilla.....

 Hope you can help me with my problem chuck! I have recently returned from Lanzarote, I hooked up with a couple of poofs and found myself falling, but for 1 problem, he's a Ginga, freckles and all. Is this normal or am I just poorly sick?? I know he bats for the other side but he's the man I DREAM ABOUT!!!  Need advice urgently...

Lorra Lov NIKKI XXXXX

Cilla Says...I had to edit this question a little chuck cause your a bit of a dirty tart luv....As you know I've starred in my own programme Blind Date which we could have had you on chuck, however I banned Ginga's from the show. They're more trouble than they're worth...they feel they're special just because they burn in the sun, look like milk bottles and walk around like carrots!..What you need is to get yourself a 'Mills and Boon' novel luv...It turned me from an ugly looking Beever mouth old Boot into the stunning Gabby Roslin double that I am today, it will proberly mean for you that instead of fantasising about  gingers you'll want to throw darts at um instead...

 Consider it chuck.

Dear Cilla...

My wife has recently returned from Lanzarote, since she has been home she's been talking in her sleep, she tells me that she met a ginger poof out there and can't stop dreaming and drooling over him, she sounds like she's having a good time when she's asleep do you think I should go on a crash diet and dye wot's left of me hair Ginger ???

 Thanks love ROB X

Cilla Says...Go for it luv...I LOVE GINGA'S...they remind me of when I was involved in a ten man 'over 60's bang a granny' party with Chris Evens! If your orange you'll always stand out in a crowd...I know a town called Hemel Hempstead, (if you've heard of it) there are that many ginga's even the birds fly upside down cause there's nout worth shit**ng on!, but what ever turns you on OR...maybe the dreams she's having are signs of  Skitzofrenia....If so watch her luv you've seen Fatal Attraction, 2 words, BUNNY BOILER!

 Dear Cilla.......
 
Until recently, I was a successful Drag Queen on the London circuit. 
 
Unfortunately, I lost my left arm in a poker game with 4 Russian Mafia hit-men.
 
The only avenue of gainful employment now left to me is to become a hooker in a local logging camp, but I do worry about developing Repetitive Strain Injury, what with having just one arm.... Can you recommend a yoga position that may prevent this????
 
Yours in Hope
 
DEBBIE DELIGHTS - London

Cilla Says... Well chuck' I could have thought of better things to do with 4 Russian fellas than playing poker if ya catch me drift luv... If your worried about getting repeitive strain Injury try the new wheel barrow position on the fellas, just make sure they don't push you past Asdas...tara Chuck!